letting go, pt. 2

a few years ago, when i was happily living at our old apartment, working at a place right at the heart of the city, i thought i wouldn’t trade them for anything. i wasn’t that young anymore, after all, and it wasn’t easy to do what i do in my job in a foreign language (ie. Finnish language). and back in my home country, i was used to living & working in the bustling city of Jakarta. no, i thought, i wouldn’t give up any of those.

then i read a blog post of a friend of mine who was living somewhere in Germany at that moment. she wrote something about going out of your comfort zone, exploring new stuffs, being ready for new adventures. she was younger than me, so when i read it, i thought, well, that’s not for me. the thing was, she was an Indonesian living abroad, alone, and that, for her, was going out of her comfort zone. she was happy living in our home country, but decided to go abroad to study, etc. (i forgot if she in the end got a job there as well).

i thought i was already out of my comfort zone when i moved here, and i already was having a new adventure in a whole new country. but it is surprising how quickly that new environment becomes your new comfort zone.

i didn’t feel it when i was doing it, but eventually i felt like something was missing in my life. i missed the excitement, i missed the wonder of the new surroundings, i missed having a life other than my routine stuffs.

then came the news: we were moving to a new home. this place is further away from the heart of the city, and though it’s no countryside or anything, it’s less developed than our old place. our last apartment was in an area where there were plenty of tall office buildings and a big shopping mall where you can find almost everything (what would Jakartans be without their shopping malls…), whereas this one only has 2 supermarkets, a tiny shopping center and a few fast food restaurants.

but didn’t i ask for it? i asked for a new adventure, after all, so when we were offered this place, i said let’s go for it.

and then came the realization: my everyday commuting would take a much longer time. and indeed it did. an hour for each direction. that’s 2 hours of my daily life, on top of the 8-9 hours of work i do every day. when i go home, all i could do was prepare/eat dinner, take a shower, and hit the bed, and the next day it’s the same thing all over again. it’s doable, of course, but i couldn’t help thinking, is this really what i want in my life?

well, no. and there was also the fact that i missed some sort of excitement.

at the same time when we were offered this new home, i was offered a new workplace. same job, same company, but a new workplace that’s, coincidentally, closer to home. the downside is, if you can call it that, that this place is smaller than my current workplace, i won’t be the head of a department, and it’s not at the heart of the city. but otherwise, i get the same salary, if not slightly more, since i would also sometimes have to work on Sundays (double salary on Sundays!).

so after deciding to move to a new house, i again had to decide if i wanted to take this new job. was i ready to go out of my comfort zone? was i ready to start something again? was i ready to let go of my old life?

it was just a small voice at that moment, saying, “yes, i want this.” but as days went by, spending 2 hours for going to & from my old workplace in the heart of the city, the voice grew louder each day, until i was finally ready.

yesterday, i let it all go. after 5,5 years of working at my old workplace, it was time for me to go on with my life. i don’t know yet where it will lead me, i don’t even know if i made the right decision. maybe people would think i’m crazy for letting go a work life in the heart of the city for a small place in a small town, letting go of a quite good position for a normal position. but all i know is that i can’t ignore that loud voice in my heart, the one that’s telling me that i need this to make my life exciting again.

this was the longest time i’ve ever spent on working at one place, by the way. and it also happened to be my first workplace in Finland. there were so many good memories there, and i made more friends than i thought i ever would. but the stars are moving, the winds are blowing to a new direction, and so we are also moving to a new chapter in life.

now, the excitement of the new workplace awaits. πŸ™‚

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2 thoughts on “letting go, pt. 2

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