get well soon?

3rd week of the renovation, everything’s still such a mess.

only yesterday they found even more parts of the house that need to be torn down and rebuilt, and this time it really means that our bed will have to be moved to the kitchen (see? i just knew it).

no matter how hard i tried to stay positive, it’s been getting to me, this whole renovation. the thing is, i can’t do the things i love. i can’t sew, there’s no space for me to trace the pattern, cut the fabrics, and sew. i can’t bake, there’s no space for me to make the dough mix. i can’t take meaningless pics of myself, because the house is just so messy (and again, there’s no space to even pose here), and if i want to take the pics outside, i’ll have to dress up warm and drag my husband along… too much hassle! i can’t even go out and shop for anything (except for groceries) because we JUST DON’T HAVE SPACE to put new stuffs into our house!

we’ve tried taking time to go outside just for a stroll around the neighbourhood, and i guess it works when the weather is nice. but autumn is here, and it’s now getting cooler and cooler, and as a native tropical islander (if there is even such a word), i get frozen quite easily. we’ve also tried going out to eat just to forget the mess at home (since we also can’t cook our best dishes right now, same reason as to why i can’t bake), but eating out is expensive, we can only do that once in a while.

and this will still go on for God knows how many more weeks, or months. i feel so unproductive, and i’m only 32!

*sigh* i’m gonna be honest now, before moving to Finland, i never really cared so much about my living space. if you’ve seen my parents’ place at my hometown… well, i guess you can say our apartment right now is quite similar to that. minimum space for walking around, dust everywhere, things are just stacked up high. i don’t remember how long it’s been like that exactly at my parents’ place, but since it was messy by nature, being messy myself didn’t feel like much of a problem. and of course there were the floods. countless times from when i was in elementary school. after each flood, we did our best to clean the floor, but then that’s it. no renovation was done to the floor or walls or whatever.

and then i moved here. it’s a much smaller living space than my parents’ house, of course, but it was all ours, mine & my husband’s. our apartment was quite empty when i moved here: we only had our bed, two table lamps for each side of our bed (with no side tables, they were just on the floor), one small desk with my husband’s laptop (our only computer), and our dining table + chairs. slowly, we bought more and more furniture, and i learned to appreciate clean & functional spaces in the house. when i learned how to sew, the first thing i made was a cover for our footstool and new curtains for our living room. it felt really good to beautify and personalize our house, and no matter where we go for holidays, it’s always nice to come back home.

just a few weeks before the renovation started, i had just finished sewing new curtains for our living room. that already disappointed me that now we can’t even enjoy ‘my work’ because at the moment they are all covered with our furniture.

and then we found out the unpleasant stuffs that’s been ‘hidden’ right under our noses. i don’t know about other people, but to me it feels like i’ve been cheated. all this time i had this kind of vision that our house was just as perfect as it could be, and we took good care of it… but then the truth is revealed and all the good care we’ve put into it seemed like such a waste. maybe i’m overreacting to it, i don’t know. but that’s the kind of disappointment i’m feeling right now. i feel like i want to blame someone, though i don’t know who exactly. how could they let our house be like this?? and presented it to us as if there’s nothing wrong with it. and now when all the problems are finally revealed, we’re the ones who have to endure it.

but blaming anyone is useless. in reality, there’s nothing else we can do now but watch our house being fixed. first the bad parts have to be taken away, and then rebuilt. yes, i agree, the positive thing about this is that at least they’re fixing the problem. i just wish it doesn’t take that long.

please, our dear house, get well soon? 😦

One thought on “get well soon?

  1. Pingback: rewind & replay | Step Into The Silver Rain

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